Asking for Prayers

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This topic contains 9 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by  Rene’ 1 year, 3 months ago.

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  • #5983

    Jason Bramble
    Participant

    Without telling a long story iam alittle Financially frantic atm, I have my brother and nephew living with me both promised to pay rent(which helped with bills since there’s still a mortgage on the place) but both have since stopped working since summer, with no interest in returning to work. I am way behind in bills as a result. Also some other worries… Alittle Prayer from the fams is all i need. God will do the rest(I pray).

    #5985

    Tony Koretz
    Keymaster

    Without telling a long story iam alittle Financially frantic atm, I have my brother and nephew living with me both promised to pay rent(which helped with bills since there’s still a mortgage on the place) but both have since stopped working since summer, with no interest in returning to work. I am way behind in bills as a result. Also some other worries… Alittle Prayer from the fams is all i need. God will do the rest(I pray).

    Hey Jason – sure I will pray for you in this situation. One thing though in a practical sense, you said the following: “both have since stopped working since summer, with no interest in returning to work”. You may have to give them the hard word. Otherwise they will take you for granted and that is NOT good. It is not fair on you- nor is it right for them to put you in this position!

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    #5994

    Jason Bramble
    Participant

    i’ve tried. But they go running to my mother and older brother respectively to guilt me back into a corner. Especially since they both are narcissist’s. So you know what that means.

    #5997

    Tony Koretz
    Keymaster

    i’ve tried. But they go running to my mother and older brother respectively to guilt me back into a corner. Especially since they both are narcissist’s. So you know what that means.

    Why don’t your mother and oldest brother take them on themselves then? If you are being guilt tripped into this, then something is clearly wrong and at some point you will have to stand up to it. If that is the way they view things then you are likely being used as a doormat. It’s one thing to help people…but it’s a whole different ballgame when those people decide to use you to empower their own laziness or lack of motivation- at your expense!

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    #5998

    Jason Bramble
    Participant

    My older brother lives with my mother with my niece. They have 2 spare rooms over there. So they could EASILY take them in but the rooms are next to each other in the basement so there would definitely be a clash since they don’t get along. And ofcourse they aren’t REMOTELY interested in taking either of them in. They lent me some money awhile back and just hang that over my head if I try to say anything.

    I am trying to not “hate” my brother as the Bible says not to do. But it’s really tiresome when they both don’t wanna work. My younger brother is 36 for pete sake. The Nephew is 25-26 there abouts. Thinks the world owes him just for existing. They both refuse to work unless they each have a car because they don’t want to take the bus. It’s really insane.

    • This reply was modified 1 year, 3 months ago by  Jason Bramble.
    #6001

    MattS
    Senior Moderator

    Matt’s chipping in LOL

    Jason, Tony has given some very good advice. However I’m going to get a bit blunt here. These folk are your family and they don’t give a rats behind about you or your financial circumstances, they have no respect for you in any way. You have been good enough to take in your brother and nephew and now when things are getting tough for you, they could not care less. So you are being used by a couple of very entitled men who can’t stoop to catching public transport. You have extended family who could take them but are not. In short you are being very manipulated because your family know how to press your “hot buttons”.

    Jason, I have read your comments in this forum and it gives me the picture of a man who very much wants to do the right thing by Jesus and by others, you are very concerned with finding the truth and you have an awesome sense of humour and a genuine sense of compassion. You are also a very real human being with real problems and I hear that in what you say. I think that would be true of the vast majority of us here on the AMTM Forum.

    I don’t know much about your family circumstances, but I’m guessing there have been a few issues over the years (probably a mild understament). So you have some options/choices about what you can do here. Jason, you can be very certain about one thing, you are going to upset someone in this process. The choice you have is that you can continue to upset yourself and bottle it up or you can draw a line in the sand and say “No More”. If you say “no more” you are going to upset your family and they “will” get upset. This stuff is about personal boundaries, you can choose to let people walk all over you or not. Things can get pretty crazy for a while when you decide to get “Firm” but the end result is that people will start respecting you when they know they can’t push you anymore, or they will leave you alone.

    As a Christian you can be angry with folks as long as you don’t let the sun set on your anger, be angry and get it over with. Also Paul says in 2 Thessalonian 3:10 that if you don’t work you don’t eat. Sometimes the loving thing to do is get tough, you don’t have to do any hating at all.

    So, have a think about what I have said here and if you want some of the “how to do” info on these things let me know and I will find some good reading or videos for you. I actually understand your situation to a certain degree because I have been through some of this stuff and I know how tough it is. But it can be done God’s way and the end result is a much more peaceful life.

    Sorry, long rant, but I’m very familiar with some of the things you are going through and Jesus does have a way through this stuff.

    Bless you Jason and I’m definitely praying for you

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    #6003

    Jason Bramble
    Participant

    Thanks Matt! yeah i’ve got some serious thinking to do. Right now it’s not at critical yet but it’s getting tough. I am trying my best, and have spoken to both parties and had others speak to them as well. But the answers always come back the same “if I miss the bus then thats my problem, I need a car” or in one case “I’ll think about it”.

    I am being manipulated for sure. I know my younger brother wants me to sell the house because he can then ask for some money. But then i’d be homeless. Even supposing i gave him the money he’d blow it on going to the United States for Porn conventions which is what he does. Infact he got fired from a pretty much life assured job at the beer store(which is government owned so its almost impossible to get fired from) because he refused to come back to work because he wanted to stay at some porn convention for the full 7 days it was on. He was only allowed 5 days off. Didn’t call or anything to tell them he was sick or nothing no excuse at all just didn’t turn up. Fired…

    The Nephew gets fired on purpose as well because his friends don’t work either they just drive Uber whenever they feel like it. So they just hang out all day. Playing Racing car video games. I have cut him off the internet though so they can’t play games online, thats a plus. His friends stopped coming over.

    #6008

    Tony Koretz
    Keymaster

    Thanks Matt! yeah i’ve got some serious thinking to do. Right now it’s not at critical yet but it’s getting tough. I am trying my best, and have spoken to both parties and had others speak to them as well. But the answers always come back the same “if I miss the bus then thats my problem, I need a car” or in one case “I’ll think about it”.

    I am being manipulated for sure. I know my younger brother wants me to sell the house because he can then ask for some money. But then i’d be homeless. Even supposing i gave him the money he’d blow it on going to the United States for Porn conventions which is what he does. Infact he got fired from a pretty much life assured job at the beer store(which is government owned so its almost impossible to get fired from) because he refused to come back to work because he wanted to stay at some porn convention for the full 7 days it was on. He was only allowed 5 days off. Didn’t call or anything to tell them he was sick or nothing no excuse at all just didn’t turn up. Fired…

    The Nephew gets fired on purpose as well because his friends don’t work either they just drive Uber whenever they feel like it. So they just hang out all day. Playing Racing car video games. I have cut him off the internet though so they can’t play games online, thats a plus. His friends stopped coming over.

    They are using you, and by continuing with the status quo you are only empowering them to do this. Give them notice that they need to move out by a certain date – and stick to it. You should not in any way allow people to bludge off you like they are. It won’t help them or you in the long run if you allow it to continue.

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    #6014

    M.E.
    Participant

    I tried to post a reply earlier, but kept having issues. I will pray for you to have peace and confidence to do what you gotta do. Tony and Matt have given you sound advice and I definitely agree that tolerating their horrid attitudes and behavior is only going to perpetuate them; even though your intentions are to help. It’s just proof that we are in a woefully sinful world 🙁 .

    #6023

    Rene’
    Participant

    Jason, I have also been in your shoes, except it was my husband who wouldn’t get a job, or even help with the children or house up keep. In addition, he would bring in others, like people he wanted to act in his productions for free, or family members for me to support and clean up after as well…all the while, I got no help from the church, whose take on “God hates divorce” seemed to mean that I had to keep the peace and “submit” to my husband. Eventually, God led me out of that bondage in a very dramatic way, but my ex married another woman 6 months after we divorced that he lives off of and still won’t get a job.

    I only tell you all of that, because I wish I would have had someone like Tony or Matt to give me the plain, hard truth like they did to you. I can GUARANTEE that your family members will find others to suck the life out of. You are not being loving to YOURSELF, as commanded to by Jesus, by allowing family members to live off of you.

    Ask God to bring about circumstances, either where you have to tell them to leave, or where they become so uncomfortable living with you that they WANT to leave if you are not comfortable giving them an ultimatum, like Tony suggested. For example, let as many utilities get turned off as feasible, make sure there is no food in the fridge, etc. It’s also helpful to play Christian music and programming REALLY LOUD all of the time, for example, just let your favorite audio Bible play 24×7.

    In the meantime, I will pray for God to fix your situation.

    • This reply was modified 1 year, 3 months ago by  Rene'.
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