Matt S September 16th 2016 Part 7.
A disclaimer or sorts for the picture above. It makes Obama look like “the Antichrist”, and although he may be a type of antichrist, I don’t believe he is the “Antichrist”. This image has a lot of features that are true depiction of the hosts that narcissists keep around them, “The Support Crew”. (The central enlarged image of, in this case Obama). The crowds below are worshiping the image and off to the sides the “enforcers” that ensure compliance. They unquestioningly and forcefully defend the narcissist.
There are a few types of people that willingly hang around or support narcissists. These are generally other full blown narcissists, lesser narcissists and enablers. Full blown Narcissists generally will only stick together as a “mutual admiration and feeding club”. Lesser narcissists will also stick around more powerful full blown narcissists if they have no other choice or because it feeds them in some way also. The lesser narcissist may get some portion of kudos or glory from associating with the full blown powerful narcissist. The people I really want to focus on in the article though, are the “Enablers”.
“Enablers” are those folk who are “probably not” narcissists but may assist the narcissist in some way. Enablers are those people that assist the narcissist, often willingly and sometimes unwillingly. They may be a partner, son, daughter, parent, friend, lover, therapist, doctor, pastor, sibling, politician or a law enforcement officer. These are the people the narcissist has recruited to assist them in their campaign to rule their world. They will use these people to do their bidding and keep them safe from their enemies.
So how does the narcissist choose or recruit the enabler? The narcissist will lie and deceive, most often use half truths and much embellished stories, and they will appeal to the prospective enabler’s sense of compassion and the need to rescue the narcissist. They will tell the prospective enabler a sob story that will evoke a strong emotional response, and get them entangled in the narcissists web of deceit. Narcissists will target those who have a strong empathetic response or have been programed (as I was) to attend to the narcissists needs.
The narcissist rewards the enablers with soothing words of kindness and stroke their low esteem (many enablers cling to narcissists for these false words of encouragement). This is a small price for the narcissist to pay in order to gain protection, loyalty, praise, admiration, material items and slavery. The narcissist will use temporary enablers to deal with a specific situation and they will groom long term enablers to defend and protect them from harm.
Many narcissists are able to deceive their long term enablers so effectively that the enabler would “take a bullet” for them. These types of enablers may have dependent personalities. These individuals thrive on the attention, and the need to rescue the narcissist from any external threat (perceived or real). My own narcissistic parent groomed my siblings and I from a very early age to attend to her needs and as we got older to defend her from harm.
Narcissists are mostly expert manipulators who know how to pressure/coerce/stroke the enabler to do their bidding. An example is where the narcissist may wish to create some chaos, (sometimes they just do that for fun) or get revenge, keep control or create triangulation. They will tell the enabler that “so and so” seems to be causing some non specific problem that troubles the narcissist, it will be vague but the false troubled emotion from the narcissist will be interpreted by the enabler as a threat. The enabler may then become hostile in some way to the intended victim by directly confronting them or setting up a second smear campaign to undermine the victim. The narcissist watches closely to see how the victim reacts and then the victim may ask the narcissist what is happening, the narcissist will lie and fudge and obfuscate, so the whole picture appears confused, and no one except the narcissist knows what has really happened. Sadly the narcissist gains pleasure from this, and leaves people feeling confused, on edge, at odds with one another and not really knowing the real truth of the matter.
When a sibling of mine and I wised up to being used as enablers, we were no longer useful to the narcissistic parent, and the other narcissists (siblings and relatives). We were no longer able to be controlled and therefore needed to be either brought back into line or scapegoated. Often the chief narcissist with said lesser narcissists in tow, will use scapegoating to keep other family members in line. It is an effective control method when you see someone being tortured emotionally, verbally, mentally and sometimes physically, onlookers will be warned that this could be their fate if they do not toe the line.
My sibling (more so than I) was on the receiving end of some pretty horrible treatment from enablers of the narcissist. My sibling had been the original scapegoat in the family (I will cover ACON’s or children of narcissists another time in relation to scapegoating). My sibling was subject to a good deal of emotional, verbal and some physical cruelty/abuse before leaving home, and was conditioned to see this as a normal role in the family. When my sibling left I graduated into the role as the next scapegoat in the family; however this never sat well with me as I was not a willing partaker of the abuse and physically too big to be bullied.
Narcissists need a scapegoat; they will always need to have somebody who will bear the brunt of their anger, hate, bitterness and frustration. The overt narcissist will be openly and publically abusive, and may not care who sees as long as there are no consequences for them. The covert narcissist will keep the scapegoating private and will work hard to ensure that they have some small justification for their scapegoating. Narcissists always need someone or something to dump their toxic garbage onto, if they don’t have a human it will be an animal or an object. I have seen dogs cruelly treated by narcissists in the absence of a human victim.
So how do enablers fit into this role of being a scapegoat? They are often the “unwilling” enabler and sometimes the “willing” one. It is a sad indictment that some people are so much in need of attention and human contact, they will take any kind of attention even if it is negative. I can’t say that I have personally known anyone that has stayed willingly in the role of scapegoat though. This may be why narcissists are generally always looking for a new victim, as people generally will not stay long in this role of scapegoat if they can escape.
The offensive/defensive enablers will stop at nothing to protect their narcissist. The enabler will behave irrationally even in the face of overwhelming evidence that their narcissist has “stuffed up” badly. I have seen this time and time again where the enabler has been questioned on their support for the narcissist and they will overwhelm the questioner with rage and anger, this may often emulate the narcissist’s abusive behaviour. I have been on the receiving end of some very unpleasant abusive and manipulative behaviour that is designed to defend the narcissist. There is nothing rational about this defense of the narcissist, it just defies logic and goes beyond firm loyalty into the realms of blind misplaced loyalty. It makes the enabler look stupid and this is also part of the design by the narcissist. If the narcissist can sit back and look perfect and pristine while someone else does the “dirty work”, so much the better for their image.
So why do enablers do what they do? Why do they loyally, blindly and irrationally defend someone who is clearly an evil and nasty individual? In my situation I was trained from a small child to play this role. I was conditioned by my narcissistic parent, and the other narcissists/enablers in the family to defend the narcissist at all costs. I also was conditioned to conform with emotional and mental coercion. As a small child you want to please your parent and normally will receive love and praise for doing this, however this gets really messed up by the narcissist. With regular criticism, put downs, verbal abuse and sometimes physical abuse, if you receive a small kind word/reward it keeps you longing for another kind word/reward. As humans God has wired us to respond to kindness and love, and the narcissist knows that an occasional false kind word keeps us hoping that things might get better. It is cruel and destructive for the child but the narcissist does not care as long as they get what the want.
There are many enablers that seem to go into, and stay in the role of enabler, as it fills some need in their lives. These people generally are pretty “messed up chooks” to say the least and they seem to enjoy the power that it brings to them by engaging in the “enforcer” role. Often this enabler is the one that will “take a bullet” for the narcissist. They seem to be a person who has a deep seated need to “rescue” others. So what do these enablers get as their reward? The narcissist will often spend extra time choosing and grooming this individual for this role. They will learn this enablers weaknesses, get all the “dirt” on them that they can, they will find the hotspots or things that this enabler desperately craves and appear to falsely supply this need. This conditioning causes the enabler to falsely believe that it is their role to protect, defend and rescue the narcissist at any cost. These people almost seem to suffer delusional thinking, as I have seen them defend the narcissist in circumstances where the evidence is clear that the narcissist has been overwhelmingly at fault.
Enablers are also referred to as “flying monkeys”, and this is an apt description. The term is taken from the story of the Wizard of Oz where the wicked witch had a cohort of flying monkeys to do her bidding. These monkeys were evil and destructive and were also able to be sacrificed if necessary, just as narcissists sacrifice their enablers when they have served their purpose.
What disturbs me is that there appears to be an increase in those who are narcissistic in their behaviour and correspondingly an increase in those who are willing to support these evil individuals. The chaos and damage that is perpetrated by these individuals is enormous and I know God sees this and will hold all involved accountable. As an individual who has spent a good portion of my life entangled in some way shape or form with these evil people, I now feel a responsibility and accountability to inform/warn others about them. God did not create us to treat each other in this way; if you read your bible you will know that the bible speaks the polar opposite. In my next article I will talk about how narcissism seems to be increasing rapidly in the world and some of the ways in which it is doing this. Thank you for taking the time to read this and I hope that some of you may get some benefit from this topic. If you see yourself in an enabling or rescuing role you may wish to consider why you are in this role and if you should look to remove yourself from it, (I know it will be worth it if you can do it safely). God bless you all wherever you are this week.